Fun Stuff [aka "It Siphons Your Life So Gently"]

quick links: polls / contests / favorite part of Teen Angst? Naaah... / reactions / where are they now? / links / misc has been doing polls for a while. They often factor into important decisions in my life or writing. Here we have the current one and the results of some old favorites:

The Be More Chill Cover! Results
Do you like the Be More Chill cover?

  68% Yes
  32% No

Total Votes: 34
Name Ned's New Book
(summer 2003)
31% Be More Chill
29% In Your Head
9% Squip
10% The Squip
21% all these titles suck
Analysis: a pitched battle. It was never clear that Be More Chill would be the title of my new book, becuase I kept thinking how that would look in 20 years: much like Be More Fresh would today. But hipness and immediacy won out, with the voters (in a VERY slim margin, and notice how many people think I suck) echoing the opinions of book company brass and my gut.
Which of Ned's Music Sucks Least?
(winter 2002/03)
37% Wormwhole
23% The New Mexikans
17% The Day The Earth Stood Still[site]
13% Buswood
11% Ned Vizzini [solo]
Analysis: a battle of the bands. All of these musical extravaganzas were part of my youth--Wormwhole was featured in Teen Angst--and I was not surprised to find that the certifiably worst of them--Wormwhole--won the contest. To really understand how bad Wormwhole is you have to travel to the music page. My solo work got the least votes.
What's Your Fav Part of Teen Angst?
(2001- 2002)
9% Junior High
22% Freshman Year
22% Sophomore year
22% Junior Year
26% Senior Year
Analysis: I really couldn't ask for a nicer response to my book--consistently good, but better at the end, when I was older, and presumably a better writer? Thanks guys for playing along. Seriously, if you have a favorite part of Teen Angst you'd like to tell me about, there's a special section for that. Thanks so much.


...We do contests occasionally when questions need to be answered and there are things to be given away:

"Join the Be More Chill Street Team / and get a free signed Be More Chill in May"

This might throw everyone for a loop. First of all, I'm actually going to have a street team; you have to get your head around that. Then, it's more of an initiative than an actual contest, because everybody who participates wins. Here's how "Join the Be More Chill Street Team / and get a free signed Be More Chill in May" works:
  1. You sign up below.
  2. In the next few months, You get 500 flyers for my next book, Be More Chill, shipped to your address .
  3. Along with these flyers, you get the date, time and location of a concert in your area.
  4. You go to this concert (you don't actually have to go, just to get there and stand outside before the concert ends).
  5. As people are leaving, you give out ALL the flyers while saying this phrase: "Buy this book... it's like the <> of books."
  6. (optional) You take a photo of yourself so you can be honored on this website. This may require friends--bring them!!
  7. In return for your valiant efforts, you get a free SIGNED copy of Be More Chill a month before anyone else, in May of 2004.
Join the Be More Chill Street Team! The only street team dumb enough to be promoting a book!
[limit 25 heads in this contest -- only 0 slots left!]
Sorry! We already have enough people for the contest! The response has been really great. Check back soon, we might be opening it up to more heads! THANK YOU!


...Do you have a particular favorite chapter or part of Teen Angst? Naaah...? (I had a guy from Canada tell me that "Let's Buy Beer" was close to his heart because beer is very important in Canada.) Please share it with me and I will put it in the reactions section.

first name:


last name:





favorite part :

which version of
Teen Angst do you have?


where are you from?

have a website?



...People who've read Teen Angst and their reactions (mostly favorite particular parts that they filled out above):

  • Caralyn / New York / 11-10-03 / "I can't actually say that I have a favorite part, the book was such a great read. Different from other books I've read, a good change. Although, the Nintendo Saved Me brought back some old memories of my video game days from the past..." /

  • Joe / Pennsylvania / 11-7-03 / "Its a hell of a thing to make a man think and feel what you feel Ned. To string words together in such a way that we can share a game of dominoes, run out of money at the prom, find out were not goofy footed after all in the space of a few hours reading. I hope I get the honor of binding your book again. Maybe more memories will flood back, mixed somehow with the knoledge and wisdom of experience, and maybe I can learn a little more about myself."

  • Mitchell / New Hampshire / 11-6-03 / "Everything!!!"

  • Jose Mari / somewhere outside the US / 11-2-03 / "[W]ell my favorite part is 'Prom Prom Promises', well i don't have actually have a good time in our prom night well anyway..."

  • Kristen L. / undisclosed location / 10-30-03 / "'Let's Buy Beer'...Why? I really don't know; I just like reading about people taking their first drinks of beer and stuff." /

  • Adrian / Georgia/ 10-29-03 / "The part with Charlie and "effing". Very, very, amusing. The book itself was over all very well written, and funny. Well, kick arse Auto-bio."

  • Joey / Pennsylvania/ 10-28-03 / "'The View'"

  • Gina / Massachusetts/ 10-28-03 / "'cable access says no'...similar experience...obviously my town has no apreciation for hardcore shopping-cart races...but hey what can you do?.....your book rules! i sat on the couch for like 4 hours straight reading it..."

  • Steve / Turkey / "I didn't even know that books written from your point of view existed. The majority of authors in the young adult/teen section are young women writing advice on how they coped with their first periods. I had no idea there'd be a guy writing about high school amongst all the books about vaginas."

  • Josh / New York / "'Teen Angst! NAAH!' is yet another reason our literacy rate is on the decline. As I read it, I could literally feel the inherent filth seeping into my very body and desecrating my soul like some sort of relentless, burrowing bug with 3-inch long poison mandibles."

...And the professionals:

  • "[O]ne of the few truly genuinely funny and unpretentious books I have read in many years." -- Esme Raji Codell, author of Educating Esme and Sahara Special

  • "The chapter on taking your girlfriend to prom is effin' GREAT. Worth the price of the book alone." -- Marty Beckerman, author of Death to All Cheerleaders and Generation SLUT (2004)

  • "Ned Vizzini is a young genius! And if he was old, he would be an old genius. Teen Angst? Naaah... is zany, tender, and hysterically funny." -- Jonathan Ames, author of I Pass Like Night, The Extra Man, What's Not to Love, My Not-So Secret Life, and Wake Up, Sir! (2004)

  • "People like you are the reason why people like me bother sitting down and writing. I bet you're wondering if I bought your book yet, and the answer is a regretful 'No, I suck.'" -- Henry, webmaster of


...Where are they now? (from Teen Angst):

Phew. I have not talked to Judith in 1416 days.

Dad Dad still works at his job (with Mom 24/7), but does not come home as late as he used to. This is nice to see. He is a big fan of the Sopranos and Curb Your Enthusiasm--he's like HBO's wet dream. He plants trees on Saturdays, but other than that likes pretty much everything that he used to like: video games, driving and sarcasm.
Mom Mom is very active in her local church and is doing her best to ensure that I never leave her area code. She is mad enough that I am not in her zip code.
My brother escaped death on Sept. 11th and is now in a college in a Southern state where all the girls are hotter than anything he (and certainly I) have ever seen before. Brother
Sister My sister is a smart cookie with decent taste in music, enrolled in HS in Brooklyn and doing just fine. She is a very talented web designer of her own.
Owen (Russian friend) went to college, got in trouble with the FBI for hacking, managed to destroy the evidence (a hard drive) before they could catch him, escaped to Florida where he lived in a house full of Brazilian models and filmed them for an adult website. (Safe to click. And worth clicking.) Last seen in New York drinking coffee. Brother
Me Poppy (dominoes player) is gone. No one will talk about him in the old neighborhood.
James (shy friend) went to college, worked in liquor store, built various things in his house. Now he is a professional woodworker with a cool girl in my neighborhood. Brother
Me Ike (Mayan friend, from Wormwhole) went to college, lived in various apartments. He got a job in construction too, which is perfect for his amazing strength. Last seen packing backpack to travel to Las Vegas for New Year's 2002.
Carlo (overbearing paint employer) not seen. Perhaps he's out of business! Brother
Me What I'm doing.

links [want yours up here? email me with your URL]

It's A Trap!

Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars is a saint and a prophet. Ackbar said the all-encompassing phrase "It's a trap!" in Return of the Jedi. This has become my official motto, and that of a few of my stranger friends (Marcus). Think about it: school, the SATS, college, internships, real work, dating, sex... It's all a trap[view some real-life traps]

I didn't want to get sucked into the McSweeny's cult (McSweeny's = David Eggers = this guy who wrote a book called A Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius that got very popular and sells his books and the books of his colleagues at his own non-mega-conglomerate outlets). But the believer magazine, firmly within the cult, is great. For book dorks only!

Parenthetical Note: "Fictional Essays and Factional Stories." Includes "Ask the DM," where a dungeon master from D&D; gives out advice on relationships, etc. Good writin'!

Even if he had snubbed my request for a blurb, Neal Pollack would be one of America's greatest humorists. No joke. This guy invented a persona for himself as "The Greatest Living American Writer" and wrote a book that was like a "collection" of his "greatest work," The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. It's almost as funny as Teen Angst. Now he's pretending he's the frontman for the greatest rock band ever, The Pollacks, in Never Mind the Pollacks. Nobody thought of this before. Neal Pollack did.

Jay's site has a poll that ranks me against other cultural happenings (like Kill Bill), and right now I am really losing! So go vote!

Ming's Assassin

A nicely updated blog from someone born in 1987 like Bow Wow.

Jonathan Ames is living the dream--he gets to tour America reading from his novels and memoirs, which include The Extra Man and My Less Than Secret Life. Also meets girls.

Phar is a cool Teen Angst fan with a site I can't quite figure out, but is cool.

Pretty, substantive blog from a Teen Angst fan.

Come On
			You Know You Want TO!

Hilarious indie humor/waste-of-time site. Better than the big boys.

The Zeitgeist. Zoe Trope is a writer who, I think, was born in 1986... her memoir Please Don't Kill The Freshman was published by Harper Collins. I'm reading it as of 11/13/03 and it doesn't suck!

Oh, just one of the nicest-designed, best-updated blogs in the world. Carina is going to make $300000 a year someday doing design for MTV.

Fabrice Morvan was 1/2 of the world-famous pop duo Milli Vanilli. Now he is doing his own thing making music. We hung out just before Sept. 11th, captured on video. [videos] He's got a great site, includes Milli Vanilli bio; don't front on Fabrice.

Entertaining (and frequently updated) movie review archive. Includes Victoria's Rant "Why We [Heart] Ned Vizzini."

If you're into Magic: The Gathering at all, check out this resource.

Marty Beckerman roomed with me summer 2002 and remains a good friend. He wrote Death To All Cheerleaders and is well on his way to international stardom with Generation SLUT.

Henry B is one of the most talented young humorists on the Internet today and his site is a fantastic waste of time.

Yeah, that's Amy Sohn, featured in the Teen Angst? Naaah... story "Here Comes Trouble." Yes she is that hot, but I don't think her breasts are really that big. They look kind of...distended. Congrats Amy on getting married October 2003! Amy is the author of Run Catch Kiss and the forthcoming My Old Man.

For people who dig JTHM.

A nice diaryland blog, the fact that my mug is up there doesn't hurt.


miscellaneous [yes you can click Tumba's head]

Traps (patterned after "It's A Trap!"):
[schemes, situations, and government plots that clearly are going to screw us]

  1. [the draft is back... It's A Trap!]
  2. [cops as bouncers... It's A Trap!]
  3. [p2p sharing... It's A Trap!]

[the German translator's concerns re: Be More Chill]

[Filipino translation of Teen Angst? Naaah...]

[a eulogy for Ned Vizzini (like, if I were dead)]

return to the place whence you cameth

2003Ned Vizzini